


with your kiss my life begins

by Lire_Casander



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 03:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/pseuds/Lire_Casander
Summary: and they were roommates (*sigh*and they were roommates); and they didn’t realize they were dating (*sigh*and they didn’t realize they were dating)
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 26
Kudos: 166





	with your kiss my life begins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lostin_space](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/gifts).

> Fast-beta'd by amazing [InsidiousIntent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsidiousIntent), who also suggested the title when I had run completely out of ideas. Title from **Wild Is The Wind** by Nina Simone.
> 
> Happy birthday, Alyssa! I hope you have a great day, and that you enjoy this little thing I wrote for your prompt _anything college-related_!

"Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!" the crowd is chanting around Liz as she downs her eighth shot in a row. Michael shakes his head, grabbing his own beer and chugging it down. 

He should be enjoying his best friend's birthday party, and he's having a good time – great even – but he can't help checking the door whenever someone enters the already bustling bar, in the hopes that it'll be Alex walking in. 

"What are you doing moping here all by yourself?" Maria questions, taking up the stool next to his and signaling the bartender for another round. "All the fun is over there," she thumbs toward Liz's spot, the laughter and breathless shouts deafening them both. "Why are we sulking at a birthday party?" 

Michael shrugs, not sure about sharing what he's thinking right now. Maria is one of his closest friends – one of the few flings to actually stick around longer than the morning after – and she was so good at reading people's emotions that she could be psychic. Michael doesn't want her giving him a hard time because of his stupid fears. 

"Guess I'm jealous she gets a party and birthday shots on the actual date," he lies. He looks at Liz, who's now lifting her hands in the air victoriously, cheeks flushed with both heat and alcohol, Max by her side trying to slow her drinking. Michael tips his head to him, and Max replies with a huff and a frown. Michael can sense that Max is seconds away from asking him to help stop Liz from embarrassing herself. 

Michael knows better than to meddle with Liz when she's set her mind onto something, and she decided long ago that the best way to celebrate her twenty-first birthday was by getting plastered at the only bar in campus to throw party nights all week long. 

"We offered to throw you a party," Maria whines. "It's not our fault you were born in the summer!" 

Michael shakes his head again. The bartender places two beers in front of them; Michael picks at the label of his bottle before answering. "I didn't want a party and you know it." 

"So this is all about a certain music major and the mysterious date he'll be bringing to this party?" 

Michael groans. He should have known Maria wouldn't leave him alone tonight, or any night for that matter, not after finding out about Alex’s date with a freshman music student in his class. Maria has an eye for others' feelings, and somehow she latched onto Alex being attracted to this guy, and she hasn't stopped giving Michael shit about it for some reason. 

"I don't think this-" 

"You’re just jealous Alex is finally getting some, while you’re going through the longest sex drought," Maria jabs at him, playfully shoving him with her shoulder. "Let the guy live a little. He's put up with you bringing all those girls to your apartment over the years, it's time for a little pay back!" 

Michael drinks from his beer without replying. It's true that he's been easy during his first two years in college, nailing anyone who was willing to share his bed for a night; but he hasn't brought anyone home for over a year now. For the last year, Michael has been good and focused on his engineering work. Classes have become more demanding and he needs to keep up his grades if he wants to keep his scholarship. He’s happy that Alex started dating, a little bit late in Michael's opinion, but it's good for him. 

He’s not jealous, that can’t be it. Why would he be jealous of Alex? He hasn’t even met Alex’s mystery guy.

Michael's eyes keep darting to the door as he finishes his beer and slams the bottle onto the bar. Maria laughs and grabs his hand to pull him back to the table where Liz is already too worse for wear, with Max trying to coax her into drinking some water and Isobel and Kyle pushing more shots on the wooden surface.

"Mikey!" she greets him. Michael cringes. He doesn't like the nickname but he can't really tell Liz off when she' drunk off her ass. "C'mere and toast with me!"

"Oh, you're already toasted alright," he mutters under his breath, but he picks a shot and lifts it in a mock toast to her. "To our birthday girl," he says with a softness in his voice he only reserves for his most loved ones, who happen to be gathered around that table, with the sole exception of Alex, who has yet to show up, and Kyle, who Michael has begun to warm up to but has yet to actually like. 

Michael still hasn’t forgiven Kyle for his past mistakes, even if he’s apologized and Alex has already made amends with him.

They all grew up together, getting to know each other from a young age, and Michael had been the last addition when he'd been sent to Roswell after a few foster family disasters in Albuquerque – and a mangled hand out of the last one, the last straw in a string of failures that got him sent back to where it all started, to a man who had given him a name and a home and shelter, and much more love than Michael thought could be possible. He'd fit in perfectly in their lives, seamlessly finding his place in the group, until senior year and it all went down the drain in those last few weeks. Alex had come out of the closet, and Kyle had been a douchebag about it, and it blew up their group because Kyle and Alex had been best friends and Kyle had been dating Liz.

Things had escalated after that, Kyle and Alex fighting a war with so many casualties between them, until Alex's father caught up with it and stepped forward to take matters into his own hands. 

Alex's visit to the ER with a broken nose and a sprained wrist were enough to stop the nonsense going on between Kyle and Alex, and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back: the Sheriff, Kyle’s father, arrested Alex’s father for abusing his children. Alex hadn’t heard from or seen his father ever since he was thrown into jail.

Since that summer, Michael has made it his duty to be protective of Alex. He’s aware that he can be a bit overbearing, but he doesn’t care so long as Alex doesn’t complain. He _needs_ Alex to be safe.

Michael is brought back from his memories by a loud noise coming from the door, a swoosh of cool air gushing through, and the cheers his friends’ bellow, chanting Alex’s name with glee. He takes another swig of beer, and turns around to face his friend.

Alex makes his way over their table with a huge smile splitting his face, his longish hair getting in his eyes – Michael has to fight the urge to put one stray lock behind his ear – the maroon of his sweater and the black of his jacket look good on him, tight jeans fitting perfectly against his skin, rendering Michael breathless and speechless. He greets everyone, and tugs at the arm he has behind him, making a guy with blue hair and fair eyes tumble forward awkwardly. Michael doesn’t know why he suddenly has the need to throw up and break something at the same time.

“Hey, guys!” Alex says, letting go of Blue Hair’s hand and putting his arm around Blue Hair’s shoulders. “This is Forest.” Blue Hair – _Forest_, Michael’s mind supplies – blushes and waves his hand shyly. “Forest, this is like, everyone who’s important in my life.” Alex keeps on talking, introducing them to his conquest; Michael doesn’t really want to have to greet someone with enough bad taste to dye their hair blue of all colors, so he stands up quickly, ignoring the way the world spins around him from too many beers, and makes a beeline for the exit. He doesn’t heed the calls from his friends, instead choosing to close the door behind his back and slump against the wall, sliding down toward the floor. Maybe the cool air will help him clear his mind.

He doesn’t know for how long he stays out there, head against the bricks and eyes closed against the cool autumn breeze, his brain overworking around the few facts that he knows about Forest. Michael isn’t sure why he’s so worked up about this issue – he keeps telling himself that he’s happy Alex is dating once again, after all the pain that his father caused him – but he’s feeling the prick of tears behind his closed eyelids, unwelcome and warm as they finally fall down his cheeks. He doesn’t bother wiping them with his fingers, they’re too shaky to even be coordinated enough to be lifted to his face.

He knows Forest attends Alex’s Music History class. He knows he was paired with Alex for an assignment and they had hit it off spectacularly. He knows Alex has been hesitant about asking Forest out for a few weeks, until Michael encouraged him to do so, pushing Alex to text Forest and waiting until he got a response. Michael has been the architect of this budding romance; he surely doesn’t have the right to feel crushed about how glad Alex truly looks like. It makes him feel awful because he just wants Alex to find happiness. He doesn’t know anyone else who deserves it more than Alex Manes.

“Are you okay, Guer?” he hears. He doesn’t open his eyes; he feels Maria’s weight colliding against his side, almost sending them both tumbling down to the ground. “What’s going on? Are you _crying_?” There’s a horrified squeak in her voice by the end of her question that Michael decides not to acknowledge. “Guerin, open your eyes.” When he doesn’t obey, she pokes at him and insists, “Michael, please look at me.”

He shakes his head. He doesn’t understand why he’s reacting so badly, and he’s half ashamed. The other half of his mind that doesn’t feel embarrassment is quickly plummeting and making him feel adrift with some strange feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach. “Go back inside, DeLuca,” he barks out. His lips purse in a thin line as he tries to find a grip behind him, something to hold on to because he’s falling and feeling dizzy and he doesn’t want Maria to watch him crumble down with some sort of panic attack he doesn’t know where it’s coming from.

“No way I’m going back, Guer, you’re scaring me. Please, look at me. I swear I’m not angry, I’m not judging. Lemme help you, whatever it is.” He hears Maria sigh by his side, and then, softly, “is this because of Alex?”

There’s a plea in her voice that finally makes Michael relent and open his eyes. He still doesn’t look at her, too bashful and ashamed to do so. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Well, the truth would be a good start,” Maria chides him. “But I doubt you know what your truth looks like, not after lying to yourself for so long.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He’s stubborn, staring into the void, still not making eye contact.

“If I didn’t know you, I’d say you’re jealous of Alex for finding someone,” Maria states, turning to him and entering his personal space. Suddenly, Michael finds himself with a handful of Maria DeLuca in his line of vision. “But I’m pretty sure you’re jealous of _Forest_ because he’s dating Alex.”

“Bullshit,” he says faintly.

“Well, Michael,” Maria laughs mirthlessly. “It isn’t helping your case that you fled the bar when Alex wanted to introduce you to Forest, who, by the way, is charming. Alex is devastated that you left, you know. But,” she insists when he tries to interrupt her – the mention of Alex being so sad about Michael’s reaction makes him feel even worse, “but, Guer, I’ve been watching you two for the longest time. I was so surprised when Alex told me he was going out with someone who wasn’t you. We all thought you two were dating.”

“Why would you think so?” Michael grits out. The hole in his heart is widening, and Maria’s words are not helping healing the gaping in his soul. “We’re just friends. Alex is probably my best friend.”

“You wound me,” she says dramatically. “I thought Liz and I were your best friends. Seriously, Guer, think about it. You almost punched Kyle back at our senior prom. You went nuts when Sheriff Valenti called us from the hospital to tell us that Alex had been admitted. You’ve been protective of him ever since.”

“As I told you, he’s my best friend. And his father almost killed him,” he adds.

“When you started fucking your way through the entire freshman class, I thought you were in denial. You know, about how you felt about Alex.” Maria leans against him once again, her hand sneaking around his arm to hold him in place just in case he wants to bolt. “And then you stopped altogether. You left all those girls like they didn’t mean anything, and went back to Alex _every single time_.”

“What’s your goal here, DeLuca?” Michael frowns at her, finally making eye contact long enough to take in her worry and her distress. “Alex and I are good friends who happen to share an apartment while we’re in college.”

“My goal here, _Michael_,” she says, determined and strong, “is that you’ve been in love with Alex for at least as long as he’s been in love with you, and neither of you has the balls to accept it and act on it, and right now both of you are going down a rabbit hole because of that.”

“I am not,” he begins, sniffling, when realization hits him. He watches as Maria smirks at him and pulls off him, standing up and looking down at him as he stays crouched low against the wall.

“My work here is done,” she says smugly. “Now it’s your turn, Guer. Man up for once.” And with that she saunters back into the bar, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his memories.

Michael closes his eyes again, reliving some scenes from their shared past that he’s now seeing in a different light. Like that time when they went out for dinner, a week into their college lives, and ended up splitting the pizza and dipping fries in a shared milkshake with two straws. And that time when Michael got really sick with stomach flu sometime during their sophomore year and Alex stayed with him the whole Thanksgiving break, taking care of him and making him soup when he couldn’t eat anything else. And when Alex had broken two fingers of his left hand that spring and couldn’t play guitar; Michael had made sure he got all his notes and rescheduled his practice until he recovered. They have been looking for each other for so long, starting when Alex had been attacked by his own father, and ending with Michael holing up in their apartment studying hard after Alex had made a snide comment about how much time he’s been wasting when he could be doing great things with his life.

Everything seems to circle back to Alex and Michael, Michael and Alex, and he can see now why Maria thought they were dating; short of kissing, they’ve been doing everything else a couple should be doing. And he’s been comfortable with them – comfortable with holding hands with Alex when one of them needed support, comfortable with hugging him after a particularly nasty nightmare, comfortable with holding him while watching a horror movie – because it was Alex. Michael has always known he was bisexual, but he has never acted upon it with a guy. He’s only dated girls so far, but he has never been averse to dating a guy. No, not _any_ guy.

He just pictures himself with Alex Manes.

It seems he’s been dating Alex without knowing until Alex finally got sick of his silence and went to date someone else.

“Michael?” Alex’s voice is calling out his name from somewhere at his right, where Michael knows the door to the bar keeps swinging open and close. He can’t face Alex right now.

He’s so fucked.

“Michael, hey, you’re here,” Alex calls to him again, in case he hasn’t heard him the first time. Michael doesn’t want to face him right now, not when he’s got the epiphany of his own feelings for him – of the depth of his love, apparent to everyone except for himself. Maybe that was why Alex decided to date someone else – someone with blue hair and fair eyes and a sense of fashion Michael doesn’t have – because he’s tired of putting up with Michael.

“Go back inside,” he sighs. “I’m pretty sure Forest will be looking for you if you don’t.”

“Well, I know for a fact that he won’t.”

“How so?” Michael asks despite himself, bitterness in his voice as he speaks. “He’d be a fool not to.”

“Well,” Alex smiles at him when Michael dares to look up, meeting his chocolate eyes that are boring holes in his soul. “I guess it has something to do with the fact that we’re just friends, and he’s currently trying to hit it off with Kyle.”

Michael almost stumbles upon himself in his haste to stand up from his crouched spot on the floor. “Kyle? But didn’t you two go out on a _date_ just tonight?”

“It wasn’t a date, Michael,” Alex assures him. “It was just two friends catching up after a while, and him asking me to set him up with Kyle because he’s been pining over him for the longest time.”

“But you said it was a date,” Michael complains feebly. He doesn’t want to let the hope bubbling inside of him to grow bigger, because hope is a dangerous thing for someone like him. “I thought-“

“I know what you thought,” Alex confesses. “I wanted you to think that, to be honest. I wanted you to feel what I felt whenever you went out with one of those girls.”

“It’s been a while since that,” Michael quips before he realizes what Alex is saying. “Wait, what? You wanted me to be jealous because you were jealous of those girls?”

Alex shrugs. Michael thinks he looks adorable, a little flushed, looking down at him from his slightly taller stance. “I wanted you to see _me_. I’ve been feeling invisible around you for so long, and I just wanted you to-“

“Did you know our friends thought we were dating?” Michael blurts out, interrupting Alex. "Only I thought we weren’t dating. Did you?”

“I’m sure we would have noticed if we were dating,” Alex retaliates, looking away. “I for sure would have known, with how I feel-“

“I didn’t,” Michael cuts him off again, and this time he earns himself an annoyed look from Alex. “I didn’t want to believe we were dating even if all the signs were there because, Alex, I just didn’t want to lose you.”

“Why would you lose me?” Alex asks curiously, looking once again back at Michael, and Michael all of a sudden feels _seen_ in a way he’s never been. Alex’s half spoken words finally dawn on him and he covers his mouth with his hand, stifling a surprised yelp. He looks back at Alex, hoping his eyes convey all the hope and the awe he’s feeling.

Everything makes sense so suddenly he feels dizzy once again – Alex leading him on about his date with Forest; their shared moments in the intimacy of an apartment they’ve been sharing ever since halfway through their freshman year, all for themselves; the way Alex’s smile always lights up Michael’s world in his darkest hours; how Michael seeks Alex’s warmth whenever they’re surrounded by other people; the way Alex seems to orbit around Michael, never straying too far from him in the same fashion that Michael can’t stand being apart from him for so long.

“I love you,” he blurts, blushing but keeping his gaze locked to Alex’s, who’s now pinned to the spot.

“I know, Michael, I love you too. You’re my best friend.”

“No, no,” he amends, shaking his head, taking a step forward and placing a hand on Alex’s arm. He feels a shiver going up Alex’s spine, mirroring his own. “No, Alex, I am _in love_ with you. I’m sorry I just figured it out.”

“But I thought you’d never-oh my god,” Alex stutters. “I thought you said you’d never date a guy. I didn’t want to keep my hopes up, I just-oh my god.”

“You’ve already said that,” Michael jokes carefully. He doesn’t want to scare Alex, and right now he’s not sure whether or not Alex reciprocates the feelings, because he’s growing antsy and nervous and he’s making Michael second-guess everything he thought during these whirlwind moments. “I love you, Alex. I know we wasted so much time, but Maria’s got me thinking and then you’ve come out here and you’ve said that Forest and you aren’t a thing and I just-a guy can hope, can’t he?”

Alex gives him a weird look, and then he seems to make up his mind for he’s taking a step forward, stepping into Michael’s personal space and cupping his cheeks with his hands, and kissing him and kissing him. Michael freezes for a second.

Alex Manes is kissing _him_.

Before Alex can pull back, Michael kisses back, nipping, biting, licking, everything at the same time to keep Alex from ever leaving him again, trying to show just how much he feels for Alex so he doesn’t have to go through the heartache of seeing him dating other people. It seems like Alex catches up pretty soon, for the kiss grows more heated, more loaded, as he pushes Michael against the wall and covers his body with his own.

“I love you,” Alex pants in between kisses, when they have to part to breathe. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

They keep repeating those words, back and forth, over and over again, all the way back to their apartment, into Michael’s room, onto Michael’s bed, until they fade into pants and breathless promises, until they don’t know where one ends and the other begins.


End file.
